Secrets [&] Confessions

you'll learn alot about me if you only took the time.

Notes

You may not be in my life anymore,
But for the year that you were, you taught me how to love and how to feel beautiful.
I will never be able to thank you enough for loving me.
I know that you will always have love for me.
I’m sorry ..

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go ahead . walk past me everyday at school & pretend i don’t exist ; i hope every single freaking time we make eye contact , you relive every memory we’ve ever had . & i hope it hurts you as much as it hurts me .
the fighting HAS to stop one day ..

Notes

..

i had a dream we got married. my dress was beautiful & the day was amazing. everything was so beautiful ; even the place we got married at. but on the last minute ..

you bailed on me ..

i saw you again, after a week of crying myself to sleep every night. we were both at the same party with our families. you seemed so chill with everything. you were talking to my dad & smiling at me. yet again, i thought we were gonna get married but ..

i woke up only to realise at the end of my dream, you were already married to the girl you truly love ..

</3333333

Notes

OKAY I GET IT! i lost the greatest person in my life, not everyone’s gonna have faith in me, people are gonna turn me down & my bestfriend in the whole world hates me! HATES ME! do you think i don’t realise all of this already? do you think i just ignore all these things & expect each & every one of my problems to magically fix themselves? i think about all these things EVERY DAY & NIGHT! this is what causes my insomnia. this is what troubles me & intimidates me at school. this is my worst nightmare. you don’t need to remind me ALL THE FREAKING TIME! i don’t need you to tell me anymore; i think i got the point —’ ..
mind your own business thankyou very much. 

Notes

i can’t stand this anymore ; this is honestly driving me insane! i don’t know what to think anymore. are you ignoring me or something? please tell me what i did wrong. tell me why you’re doing this to me cause i’ve been trying to figure it out but it just hasn’t hit me yet. is this your way of telling me you don’t want me anymore? is this gonna keep happening? tell me know cause i can’t stand my heart being broken every single time.
confusion.

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i like to believe & tell myself he still cares even though he doesn’t ; it keeps me strong ..
the truth .

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fuck what people think about you. you don’t live to please anyone but yourself. forget the haters ; focus & be thankful for what you have now .
reminder to myself.

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you give me a reason to smile. sounds pretty cliche ay ? well it’s the truth. call me desperate but i need you back in my life. i need a reason to smile again ..
just thought i’d let you know.